the glorification of busy

More than six months had passed since my last post. I never meant to abandon this blog but I had my own preoccupations. And of course, some things deserve to be out of cyberspace. Even though I need to write to destress most of the time --- and writing is still the most effective way; cooking only comes second --- I couldn't get myself to click "Publish". Some topics are too personal, especially those that gnawed on my emotions more than I'd imagined possible.

Suffice it to say that in the last six months, I'd come to terms with heartbreak (personal and professional); travelled; met a lot of interesting, ambitious people; got reunited with my kitchen; caught the last train home (sometimes under the rain, in heels ---can't get more dramatic than that) far too many times than necessary; lost weight ---and I'm still trying to gain those pounds back; got promoted; did a cover story (finally!); moved to a new neighbourhood; and stayed put in Singapore (translation: my last flight home was in February).

As I'd said early in the year, "akin ang 2013", and I wanted to put paid to this motto in the coming months.

2013, you look promising

Sixteen days into the new year and there are already countless uncertainties resolved, new people with interesting stories, flights booked, and so much more to be excited about. You're going to be one of my happiest and most adventure-filled years, I swear.

Holiday’s hectic

My next flights are scheduled in 10 days. At first I thought my upcoming vacation is merely a moment for reunion, for the much-awaited family dinners and meet-ups with friends, and a chance to trace my way around places that I used to know very well. It’s an annual attempt to reconnect to my roots, to revisit memories and make new ones, and mainly see (and unfortunately, at times it comes with regret) what I’ve left behind. 

But it seems that the four plane rides will also serve as an escape from my current state. It’s not bad; it’s just that everything is floating. Everything is stamped with uncertainty. To be honest, I first treat all these as a welcome respite from the routine and humdrum of my everyday life – I always complain that I’ve seen enough of Singapore. Then, bam! Suddenly, it feels like 2009 again. The excitement, the uncertainty, the nagging feeling of not being in control of what’s around the corner, the sense of adventure that awaits – I’m reliving all of them. 

The next 10 days – which I thought will be spent shopping for Christmas presents and idly typing my articles for our next magazine issue – will be packed with life-changing decisions on top of my pre-vacation must-dos. Early holiday dinner with friends will be squeezed between days of looking for a flat and the countless viewing schedules; meeting with the current landlord will be slated between after-work discussions with property agents and possible future landlords. My employment pass renewal is expected to be processed before my flight home (fingers crossed everything goes smoothly!). Scheduling of media tasting and interviews for my January’s deadlines is also in the works, and of course, two office parties (the 70s-themed client thanksgiving and the Christmas lunch) have to be attended. And I don't want to get started on my biking/nature walk/jogging schedule. My flight home is an escape from these must-dos and inevitable decisions, and the week I’ll spend for the holidays will be equally hectic trying to meet as many friends and relatives as I could in a span of a week. 

It appears my Christmas shopping will be done: last minute after our office Christmas party the day before my flight; at Changi Airport while waiting for my flight; in Davao while waiting for my domestic transfer; and/or in Makati after meeting up with friends. But then, as one friend recommended: You can always come with your overused yet reliable excuse, "let my presence be my present". I plan not to use that line this time, promise.

by Maribago Beach, I sat down and read

A few months ago I promised myself that my days would not (and should not) be defined by my deadlines or my bylines.

It was triggered by a friend's question. She asked me while having dinner at Bugis Junction: Meron ka bang ginagawa sa buhay mo na hindi ginagamitan ng utak? I thought about it for a long time, and then said: Biking. Jogging. Running. Cross-training. Cooking. Hindi ginagamitan ng utak un ah. She then said that those things still require focus. She explained that in biking, you still exert an effort; you need balance. In jogging, running and cross-training, you have to motivate yourself to do those things on a regular basis. As for cooking, it still requires precision and decision-making. She's not satisfied. Oh sige, meron ka bang ginagawa sa buhay mo na hindi kelangan ng mind or concentration, un ginagawa mo lang for fun? Hindi kelangan pag-isipan. I gave myself some time to ponder, and then said, Alam ko na! May sagot nako. Satisfied ka na dito: Painting my nails! Di ba? Hindi mo kelangan ng mind dun!

She explained that painting my nails --- which I don't do often, by the way --- still requires attention to details and concentration. Not all people could paint their nails properly, she said. But in the end she told me that it was an "acceptable answer". I promised that the next time we meet, I would have a list of "mindless" things I've done.

Of course, I've known from the very beginning that I was doomed for failure in this case. It's not in my nature to engage in mindless things, or maybe the definition of what is a mindless activity and what is not is an issue for me. How could we be so mindless? Maybe we do things out of habit, but how would we know if our minds are not working while we are doing those things? There, there. I'm overthinking it.

My mission to do mindless things did not work as I'd planned because I can't think of anything that could be labelled as such. Instead, I've just vowed that my weekends would be spent wisely and actively. In the last 30 days, I'd not written any article for the magazine and not submitted any story pitch for next year (gasp!). I'll play catch up soon for sure. However, my time typically spent poring over magazines and perfecting my afritada was used for:

20 little things that made me happy in the past 30 days

1. Achieved my goal of jogging/running from Block A to Block G. Non-stop.
2. Trekked to and from Macritchie Reservoir Treetop Canopy. Roughly 10 kilometres. I overestimated my friends' endurance and underestimated mine. 
3. Attended a media tasting event (a Christmas Menu preview) at lunchtime. A first for me, as I usually attend media briefings at night or immediately after work. 
4. Went all the way to Simei (a 40-minute train ride to the east) just to play Kinect with friends. 
5. Braved the storm and went to Mactan Island, and wandered alone for two days. 
6. Sat down by Maribago beach (and for the first time in such a long time) did nothing but read for hours.
7. Travelled to Cebu City with my parents. Bliss.
8. Met up with a friend immediately after a flight. Watched Changi Airport's beautiful art installation (Kinetic Rain, google it!) while having dinner. 
9. Attended a book swap. In a bar, of all places.
10. Went to the Singapore Writers Festival just to attend two talks, one of which is about travel writing. 
11. Attended a Meet the Author Session with travel writer Pico Iyer. One of the most enlightening and inspiring talks I've heard. And I'm so glad I've recorded it. (I'll write something about this soon)
12. Went all the way to Ang Mo Kio (a 40-minute train ride up north) to visit my former landlady and landlord, and the rest of the Galvezes, the family who sort of "adopted" me when I came to Singapore.
13. Started learning a new sport. The kicks are still causing muscle pains after every session, but it's worth it. 
14. Ate Purefoods Tenderjuicy hotdog straight from the grill at Ayala Cebu. The first bite brought me back to my childhood days in Batangas. I'm over you, Jollibee Chickenjoy.
15. Beat a self-imposed financial deadline.
16. Discovered a new bakery, called One Kampung Bahru, with yummy cinnamon buns. The best part: it's only 15 minutes away from my flat! 
17. Came to terms with the possibility of looking for a flat alone next year.   
18. Found out that the drinks stall in Bugis Junction serves very good brewed local kopi. Why have I known this only now. After 3 years here.
19. Received random messages from friends on my roaming number, Gmail, Whatsapp and Facebook. I'm getting sappy, but without those, I would probably be homesick by now.
20. And speaking of homesickness, I've never used the phrase "I'm homesick!" in the past 30 days. Let's keep it at that.

 

Do one thing that scares you. Today.

I did. To quote Chbosky – and I promise not to say the overused "we are infinite" line:

"I knew that if I didn't put it in a mailbox that I couldn't get it back from, I would never mail the letter... Once I got to the post office, I dropped the letter into the mailbox. And it felt final. And calm." 

Everyone’s busy, I guess

and as much as I wanted to talk about what’s bothering me right now, my friends are busy with their respective preoccupations. Or maybe I’m just too far away. Yeah, that’s probably it, I’m far away. Friends in Manila are busy, and messages left on Whatsapp/Viber/Facebook/Skype are just going to be read when they happen to open their inbox, when they have the time. Same, old OFW concerns.

Meanwhile, here, my closest friends are extremely busy as well. My closest Singaporean friend – the one I can drag to Ikea when I’m stressed out on Monday nights – is busy preparing for her marriage solemnisation, which is happening in December. Even my two roommates are busy preparing for their respective weddings: one is getting hitched in December, the other in February. They are my travel mates, shopping pals, food-trip buddies, you name it. I’m happy for them, really, it’s just unbearable that they’ve decided to become busy and get married at almost the same period. The alarming implications of which are: (a) they might have to move to different cities next year and (b) I have to look for a flat alone. And of course, endure stressful Mondays alone. I’ve written a long blog post about my fears and worries right now but I couldn’t get myself to click ‘Publish’. The looming uncertainties of 2013 excite and scare me in equal measure, and it would be nice to maybe speak to someone/some friends about them instead of placing them here. Same, old OFW concerns.

travel woes

After much excitement,our island hopping plans crumble. So the Journ peeps' sojourn will no longer push through. Hence, I have my domestic tickets to worry about. Truth be told, I'm not ready to go solo this time around. What to do now.