Ode to Mamay*

Half of this was written on 11 August 2010, and only a year later have I decided to publish it.


I'm fighting my tears while writing this. I had already shed a lot of tears since you passed away two years ago, and if you see me now, I bet you would tell me to stop crying for it would do me no good. I know I'm not doing myself a favour by writing this,really. I'm inflicting too much pain by doing so, but I don't care. Maybe, crying once in a while is healthy.Well. Maybe, I'm fooling myself.


Mamay, I just want to thank you for everything.

Thank you for teaching me, albeit indirectly, to be imaginative. Since Tatay is your only son, he got yours and Nanay's storytelling abilities. Nanay's stories are truthful; your stories sound fabricated. Nanay used to tell me stories about World War II, about the gory details of the Japanese occupation and how and why his father was beheaded. When I was a kid, I believed yours and Nanay's stories completely, especially your story about an aswang na baboy you saw with your naked eye. You also told me a story of General Miguel Malvar that seemed implausible: you asked me why Miguel Malvar was the last soldier who surrendered to the colonisers, and I told you that maybe Malvar must be really brave. You said he was not brave. You mentioned that your uncle had told you that General Miguel Malvar had anting-anting and he could teleport to the US while the war was raging in the Philippines. I told you it was impossible. You gave me your signature wide-eyed look, the one you do when you are excited (Mamay has Chinito features, that's why he tends to open his eyes a bit bigger when's he's narrating something really unbelievable), and said: Pano magiging imposible yun? Nung giyera, nawawala daw siya, tapos bigla siyang magpapakita tapos may dala siyang mansanas. Eh saan naman may puno ng mansanas sa Batangas noon? I still don't know whether this is true. Maybe anting-anting really existed before. I don't know. Your story about Malvar is too precious for me that I do not want to consult historical records that might confirm or crush your story.

Thank you for your genes. I got the tall genes from you, though you disagree with me on this. You told me I was tall because you threw me up in the air when the clock hit 12am on New Year's Eve when I was a kid. 'Hindi sa lahi yon, hinagis kasi kita noong Bagong Taon kaya ka tumangkad. Nakakatangkad 'yon'. I asked you if you also threw my siblings up in the air when they were kids. Oo, lalo na si Elsie (the tallest among us). Every holiday season, this topic would pop out and it has become a tradition at home every New Year's Eve to 'throw' the youngest kid up in the air. When you told Ate Mhee that you would like to 'throw' Marga on January 1 a few years ago, Marga was sleeping. And I clearly remember that around January in 2009, we had a conversation about this and you told me 'Tingnan mo si Marga, ang liit, kasi hindi ko inihagis yan kasi ayaw ni Emely. Si EJ, mukhang matangkad, kasi mana kay Elsie. And you reminded me again that you indeed threw Ate Elsie up. Ang kulit mo pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay and I believe I got my stubbornness from you.

Thank you for teaching me how to live a simple and frugal life. You were against malling, saying that you'd rather stay at home and watch TV because money should not be wasted by buying things that are not necessary.

Thank you for telling me that it is important to watch the news to know what's happening. I admire you for religiously watching TV Patrol every single night. When I was still studying in QC, I would go home every weekend and one of the usual questions you would ask me was: 'Nakita mo ba ung balita noong isang araw...' and I would always admire you for remembering the 5Ws and 1H of the news you've heard.

Thank you for believing in me and my capacity for an independent life. When Kuya, Nanay and Ate Mhee were reluctant about me living abroad alone, you were one of the first who encouraged me to do so, you told me that it's a good decision to go out of the country. I followed your advice and two months after coming to Singapore in 2009, I took a flight to see you - and I found you smiling, inside a coffin. :(

We miss you Mamay, and wherever you are right now, I hope you're happy.


*Mamay = Batangueno term for Lolo

June, July and wishes for the rest of Awesome 2011

June was made up of bowling sessions, movies and deadlines. My overdue 'newbie lunch' in the company was also finally arranged, which left me a hundred dollars poorer (but it was worth it, yummy Japanese lunch!). On the 5th, I woke up really really early and braved the rain to get my Exit Clearance from the Philippine Embassy (it does not help that the Embassy was located in a remote corner of Tanglin, inaccessible by bus or MRT). I had another turista experience at the Flyer, thanks to the free tickets from our office party. Dearest friends Jerick and Weisa also came to SG -- for different reasons but in the same week -- and we had a mini reunion and crazy conversations about Immigration officers and EnviSci days.

This month was also filled with anticipation for my one week break from work, and from everything else. As I have had only two days to transfer from my second job to the third, my break last June was one of the longest I had in the past year. It was what I had hoped for: a week of rest, staying at home, bonding with my parents and siblings; Filipino food trips; Batangas-Laguna-Alabang road trip with 'All the Single Ladies"/Maginhawa Girls; and LOL moments (thanks to the tale of the Nando's sauce) plus epic Chinese Checkers game with Thedd, Weisa, Jerick and Reuben (now known as Well-Regarded Friends, coined by Jerick).

As for July, it was full of promises, particularly of travel, of a love life (some friends would say 'finally Nelly') - two things I hope I would do more of and have, respectively, this year. You see, the travel part is pretty much settled as of this writing: my tickets for my September trip are booked, annual leave applied, Tourist Visa approved, accommodation settled and the only thing left is to pack my bags and fly. I can't say the same for the other thing. He has been around since the early part of the year and left for Manila in the middle of the month. Everything is uncertain: if he's coming back and when, if the Immigration Officers will be nice to him (we all know how notorious they are in Manila), if I'm willing to wait, if everything will turn out the way we hope it would be. As a friend commented: pa-suspense ang set-up nyo. So I'm just keeping my fingers crossed. Like what I normally say: abangan na lang natin ang susunod na kabanata.

***
I would like to record everything awesome for 2011. I have tried blogging about what happens each month so I would read this next year and notice -- remember, actually --that I've done all this and that. I have never been entirely honest, though. Zeroing in on the awesome events masks the real things, especially the homesickness aspect. Believe me when I say that a part of me gets depressed every Friday night when I have to go home straight from the office. Those days when friends are either staying late at work, sick, meeting up with other friends or rushing to meet up with their girlfriend/boyfriend, whichever is applicable. Boo. I'm getting emotional already. Blame the love-life-cut-short for this drama. Wahaha. I'm off to face August, my guide books and the rest of Awesome 2011. And since today is the National Day, here's to hoping that this is another promising year for all us (insert clangs of Tiger beer mugs!).