Ode to Mamay*

Half of this was written on 11 August 2010, and only a year later have I decided to publish it.


I'm fighting my tears while writing this. I had already shed a lot of tears since you passed away two years ago, and if you see me now, I bet you would tell me to stop crying for it would do me no good. I know I'm not doing myself a favour by writing this,really. I'm inflicting too much pain by doing so, but I don't care. Maybe, crying once in a while is healthy.Well. Maybe, I'm fooling myself.


Mamay, I just want to thank you for everything.

Thank you for teaching me, albeit indirectly, to be imaginative. Since Tatay is your only son, he got yours and Nanay's storytelling abilities. Nanay's stories are truthful; your stories sound fabricated. Nanay used to tell me stories about World War II, about the gory details of the Japanese occupation and how and why his father was beheaded. When I was a kid, I believed yours and Nanay's stories completely, especially your story about an aswang na baboy you saw with your naked eye. You also told me a story of General Miguel Malvar that seemed implausible: you asked me why Miguel Malvar was the last soldier who surrendered to the colonisers, and I told you that maybe Malvar must be really brave. You said he was not brave. You mentioned that your uncle had told you that General Miguel Malvar had anting-anting and he could teleport to the US while the war was raging in the Philippines. I told you it was impossible. You gave me your signature wide-eyed look, the one you do when you are excited (Mamay has Chinito features, that's why he tends to open his eyes a bit bigger when's he's narrating something really unbelievable), and said: Pano magiging imposible yun? Nung giyera, nawawala daw siya, tapos bigla siyang magpapakita tapos may dala siyang mansanas. Eh saan naman may puno ng mansanas sa Batangas noon? I still don't know whether this is true. Maybe anting-anting really existed before. I don't know. Your story about Malvar is too precious for me that I do not want to consult historical records that might confirm or crush your story.

Thank you for your genes. I got the tall genes from you, though you disagree with me on this. You told me I was tall because you threw me up in the air when the clock hit 12am on New Year's Eve when I was a kid. 'Hindi sa lahi yon, hinagis kasi kita noong Bagong Taon kaya ka tumangkad. Nakakatangkad 'yon'. I asked you if you also threw my siblings up in the air when they were kids. Oo, lalo na si Elsie (the tallest among us). Every holiday season, this topic would pop out and it has become a tradition at home every New Year's Eve to 'throw' the youngest kid up in the air. When you told Ate Mhee that you would like to 'throw' Marga on January 1 a few years ago, Marga was sleeping. And I clearly remember that around January in 2009, we had a conversation about this and you told me 'Tingnan mo si Marga, ang liit, kasi hindi ko inihagis yan kasi ayaw ni Emely. Si EJ, mukhang matangkad, kasi mana kay Elsie. And you reminded me again that you indeed threw Ate Elsie up. Ang kulit mo pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay and I believe I got my stubbornness from you.

Thank you for teaching me how to live a simple and frugal life. You were against malling, saying that you'd rather stay at home and watch TV because money should not be wasted by buying things that are not necessary.

Thank you for telling me that it is important to watch the news to know what's happening. I admire you for religiously watching TV Patrol every single night. When I was still studying in QC, I would go home every weekend and one of the usual questions you would ask me was: 'Nakita mo ba ung balita noong isang araw...' and I would always admire you for remembering the 5Ws and 1H of the news you've heard.

Thank you for believing in me and my capacity for an independent life. When Kuya, Nanay and Ate Mhee were reluctant about me living abroad alone, you were one of the first who encouraged me to do so, you told me that it's a good decision to go out of the country. I followed your advice and two months after coming to Singapore in 2009, I took a flight to see you - and I found you smiling, inside a coffin. :(

We miss you Mamay, and wherever you are right now, I hope you're happy.


*Mamay = Batangueno term for Lolo