Holiday’s hectic

My next flights are scheduled in 10 days. At first I thought my upcoming vacation is merely a moment for reunion, for the much-awaited family dinners and meet-ups with friends, and a chance to trace my way around places that I used to know very well. It’s an annual attempt to reconnect to my roots, to revisit memories and make new ones, and mainly see (and unfortunately, at times it comes with regret) what I’ve left behind. 

But it seems that the four plane rides will also serve as an escape from my current state. It’s not bad; it’s just that everything is floating. Everything is stamped with uncertainty. To be honest, I first treat all these as a welcome respite from the routine and humdrum of my everyday life – I always complain that I’ve seen enough of Singapore. Then, bam! Suddenly, it feels like 2009 again. The excitement, the uncertainty, the nagging feeling of not being in control of what’s around the corner, the sense of adventure that awaits – I’m reliving all of them. 

The next 10 days – which I thought will be spent shopping for Christmas presents and idly typing my articles for our next magazine issue – will be packed with life-changing decisions on top of my pre-vacation must-dos. Early holiday dinner with friends will be squeezed between days of looking for a flat and the countless viewing schedules; meeting with the current landlord will be slated between after-work discussions with property agents and possible future landlords. My employment pass renewal is expected to be processed before my flight home (fingers crossed everything goes smoothly!). Scheduling of media tasting and interviews for my January’s deadlines is also in the works, and of course, two office parties (the 70s-themed client thanksgiving and the Christmas lunch) have to be attended. And I don't want to get started on my biking/nature walk/jogging schedule. My flight home is an escape from these must-dos and inevitable decisions, and the week I’ll spend for the holidays will be equally hectic trying to meet as many friends and relatives as I could in a span of a week. 

It appears my Christmas shopping will be done: last minute after our office Christmas party the day before my flight; at Changi Airport while waiting for my flight; in Davao while waiting for my domestic transfer; and/or in Makati after meeting up with friends. But then, as one friend recommended: You can always come with your overused yet reliable excuse, "let my presence be my present". I plan not to use that line this time, promise.

by Maribago Beach, I sat down and read

A few months ago I promised myself that my days would not (and should not) be defined by my deadlines or my bylines.

It was triggered by a friend's question. She asked me while having dinner at Bugis Junction: Meron ka bang ginagawa sa buhay mo na hindi ginagamitan ng utak? I thought about it for a long time, and then said: Biking. Jogging. Running. Cross-training. Cooking. Hindi ginagamitan ng utak un ah. She then said that those things still require focus. She explained that in biking, you still exert an effort; you need balance. In jogging, running and cross-training, you have to motivate yourself to do those things on a regular basis. As for cooking, it still requires precision and decision-making. She's not satisfied. Oh sige, meron ka bang ginagawa sa buhay mo na hindi kelangan ng mind or concentration, un ginagawa mo lang for fun? Hindi kelangan pag-isipan. I gave myself some time to ponder, and then said, Alam ko na! May sagot nako. Satisfied ka na dito: Painting my nails! Di ba? Hindi mo kelangan ng mind dun!

She explained that painting my nails --- which I don't do often, by the way --- still requires attention to details and concentration. Not all people could paint their nails properly, she said. But in the end she told me that it was an "acceptable answer". I promised that the next time we meet, I would have a list of "mindless" things I've done.

Of course, I've known from the very beginning that I was doomed for failure in this case. It's not in my nature to engage in mindless things, or maybe the definition of what is a mindless activity and what is not is an issue for me. How could we be so mindless? Maybe we do things out of habit, but how would we know if our minds are not working while we are doing those things? There, there. I'm overthinking it.

My mission to do mindless things did not work as I'd planned because I can't think of anything that could be labelled as such. Instead, I've just vowed that my weekends would be spent wisely and actively. In the last 30 days, I'd not written any article for the magazine and not submitted any story pitch for next year (gasp!). I'll play catch up soon for sure. However, my time typically spent poring over magazines and perfecting my afritada was used for:

20 little things that made me happy in the past 30 days

1. Achieved my goal of jogging/running from Block A to Block G. Non-stop.
2. Trekked to and from Macritchie Reservoir Treetop Canopy. Roughly 10 kilometres. I overestimated my friends' endurance and underestimated mine. 
3. Attended a media tasting event (a Christmas Menu preview) at lunchtime. A first for me, as I usually attend media briefings at night or immediately after work. 
4. Went all the way to Simei (a 40-minute train ride to the east) just to play Kinect with friends. 
5. Braved the storm and went to Mactan Island, and wandered alone for two days. 
6. Sat down by Maribago beach (and for the first time in such a long time) did nothing but read for hours.
7. Travelled to Cebu City with my parents. Bliss.
8. Met up with a friend immediately after a flight. Watched Changi Airport's beautiful art installation (Kinetic Rain, google it!) while having dinner. 
9. Attended a book swap. In a bar, of all places.
10. Went to the Singapore Writers Festival just to attend two talks, one of which is about travel writing. 
11. Attended a Meet the Author Session with travel writer Pico Iyer. One of the most enlightening and inspiring talks I've heard. And I'm so glad I've recorded it. (I'll write something about this soon)
12. Went all the way to Ang Mo Kio (a 40-minute train ride up north) to visit my former landlady and landlord, and the rest of the Galvezes, the family who sort of "adopted" me when I came to Singapore.
13. Started learning a new sport. The kicks are still causing muscle pains after every session, but it's worth it. 
14. Ate Purefoods Tenderjuicy hotdog straight from the grill at Ayala Cebu. The first bite brought me back to my childhood days in Batangas. I'm over you, Jollibee Chickenjoy.
15. Beat a self-imposed financial deadline.
16. Discovered a new bakery, called One Kampung Bahru, with yummy cinnamon buns. The best part: it's only 15 minutes away from my flat! 
17. Came to terms with the possibility of looking for a flat alone next year.   
18. Found out that the drinks stall in Bugis Junction serves very good brewed local kopi. Why have I known this only now. After 3 years here.
19. Received random messages from friends on my roaming number, Gmail, Whatsapp and Facebook. I'm getting sappy, but without those, I would probably be homesick by now.
20. And speaking of homesickness, I've never used the phrase "I'm homesick!" in the past 30 days. Let's keep it at that.

 

Do one thing that scares you. Today.

I did. To quote Chbosky – and I promise not to say the overused "we are infinite" line:

"I knew that if I didn't put it in a mailbox that I couldn't get it back from, I would never mail the letter... Once I got to the post office, I dropped the letter into the mailbox. And it felt final. And calm." 

Everyone’s busy, I guess

and as much as I wanted to talk about what’s bothering me right now, my friends are busy with their respective preoccupations. Or maybe I’m just too far away. Yeah, that’s probably it, I’m far away. Friends in Manila are busy, and messages left on Whatsapp/Viber/Facebook/Skype are just going to be read when they happen to open their inbox, when they have the time. Same, old OFW concerns.

Meanwhile, here, my closest friends are extremely busy as well. My closest Singaporean friend – the one I can drag to Ikea when I’m stressed out on Monday nights – is busy preparing for her marriage solemnisation, which is happening in December. Even my two roommates are busy preparing for their respective weddings: one is getting hitched in December, the other in February. They are my travel mates, shopping pals, food-trip buddies, you name it. I’m happy for them, really, it’s just unbearable that they’ve decided to become busy and get married at almost the same period. The alarming implications of which are: (a) they might have to move to different cities next year and (b) I have to look for a flat alone. And of course, endure stressful Mondays alone. I’ve written a long blog post about my fears and worries right now but I couldn’t get myself to click ‘Publish’. The looming uncertainties of 2013 excite and scare me in equal measure, and it would be nice to maybe speak to someone/some friends about them instead of placing them here. Same, old OFW concerns.

travel woes

After much excitement,our island hopping plans crumble. So the Journ peeps' sojourn will no longer push through. Hence, I have my domestic tickets to worry about. Truth be told, I'm not ready to go solo this time around. What to do now.

drifting in and out

I'm not a sickly person, really. In 2010, I only used one day (yes, one!) sick leave for the entire year. I got a fever due to staying late in the office for several consecutive days. In 2011, I couldn't even remember if I took a sick leave, or MC, as what we usually call it here.

So medically speaking, this year is breaking the record.

It started in January, then May. And August till now. Yes, I'm still sick as of this writing. It's not the kind of sickness that would require me to stay at home and in bed, but I know I'm not in my usual healthy state. Though my bouts with almost-starvation are not as intense as three weeks ago, I still couldn't eat normally. I have yet to schedule an appointment with my doctor because my uber-expensive claims from last month were still pending. It was denied by our medical insurance provider from Hong Kong. I filed an appeal and I haven't heard from them.

My medical claims are so expensive that if I compare it to my travel expenses I could stay in Sydney for three days (inclusive of budget airline return tickets!) with that money.

Truth is, I'm scared of seeing my doctor because that appointment might lead to a referral letter to a specialist. Gosh, the mere mention of it scares me: a specialist. 

Here's to the nice guys

I've read this piece a few years back and wished I could write something like this to you, dearest guy friends.

For all those Kakao conversations about life, travelling (habagat-willing, Indotsina, etc) and all other small things (eg 'vowels galore' on Words with Friends); for Saturday Skype calls just to share our homesickness (and the endless chat about broken traditions); for Gmail chat when I'm taking a break from work; for your online presence during my bouts with near-starvation and dental problems; for conversations at Lau Pa Sat about being bold and taking the leap of faith; for telling me about the need to be happy and content with whatever choices I make; for listening to all my shallow/crazy/dramatic (insert your choice of adjective here) concerns, and being so patient with me regardless; thank you. I don't say this often, if at all, but I'm really lucky you're always there.

To dearest guy friends with monosyllabic nicknames, you know who you are. Cheers to friendships that have been founded in Diliman, traced their way to conversations at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf Trinoma 4th floor and overcome distance. See you soon, online or otherwise.


Cheers,
Nelly
1 degree from the equator
homesick and recovering from last week's emotional train wreck

these lines

Still now, I send letters into space hoping that some mailman somewhere will track you down and recognise you from the description in my poems, that he will place the stack of them in your hands and tell you 'There is a girl who still writes you...she doesn't know how not to.'

one telling trip

As Snow Patrol says: "I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am."

Deja vu

What's the most awesome thing that could happen when you come back to work after a long trip? Having more travel opportunities, of course. And with that I meant free airplane tickets! Yay yay yay! :D Remember last year I've written about me winning a pair of plane tickets? It happens again, just a few months earlier this time.

I reluctantly came back to the office on Monday, hesitant to open my email containing bitchy comments from one particular client, reminders about meetings, and  production schedules of different publications I was working on. At 10am we gathered at the pantry for the usual weekly editorial meeting, and one of my colleagues was so excited about the possibility of me coming back to Australia. "You should go to Darwin this time," she said. A little bit confused by her reaction, I asked her why she was so excited, and since I've just arrived from Australia, I could not yet fund another trip back there. "Aha, nobody told you?" "Told me about what? Is there a press trip?" And as if on cue, all of them mentioned something about forgetting to tell me that there's an office lucky draw while I was away, and yes, that I've won two return tickets this year! Imagine me with a wide grin on a Monday morning. That's one precious moment right there.

So yes, the same rules apply: I could use the tickets to any of the destinations of a certain airline, and I should fly before 31 December 2012. I've already decided to use one return ticket for Davao, where I could take a domestic flight to Manila for Christmas break. As for the other, I'm still torn between (a) destinations I've never been to and (b) those where I've been but wouldn't mind visiting the second time.

The lure of going to a place that I've never stepped into is very strong: how about Siem Reap for Angkor Wat? Or Danang for a short trip to Hue and Hoi An? Or Hanoi for pho? I will forever love Thailand, so Phuket and Koh Samui still have a chance. I've already dismissed any Indian destination because it's far, and China, just to avoid the complications of getting a visa. No more Malaysia, Indonesia and Australia for me this year, so at least I'm making progress in eliminating some options.

The two destinations on top of my list are Chiang Mai and Cebu. I have been pining for Chiang Mai Yi Peng Festival since five or four years ago, and though I was there last year I missed it. I could easily call Tourism Authority of Thailand, ask for the dates and book my tickets. But there's a probability that I would be going alone and I'm not sure if I'm willing to do that this year. Cebu, meanwhile, would be a very good destination as I could take a domestic flight to Cagayan de Oro and meet my friends, go to Camiguin, come back to Cebu and ask my parents to fly there and meet me. Sounds like a very good plan. How could I resist family and friends? And as they say, it's more fun in the Philippines.

So it's now a toss between my Chiang Mai lantern dreams and family/friends in the Philippines. Why does it have to be so tough a choice: follow your dreams alone, or come home.

Travel, and waxing poetic after it

Once in a while, I stay at home just to drink coffee, catch up on my magazine reading, while away the day writing stuff like this, go fake biking at the 26th floor, or simply retreat from sun beating down on the 29-degree Singapore environment. It's not the most productive weekend I could think of, but it helps me keep my sanity and filter away the stress.

After my "Sydney on the cheap" trip, I spent Saturday and Sunday doing the things above and battling jetlag. Yes, I know Australia is just two hours ahead and an 8-hour flight away, but my body seems synced to the 5pm sunset. I catch myself hungry at 10am, which was lunch in Sydney. Or wide awake at 8am, which is 10am Down Under.

My recent trip to Sydney made me realise a lot of things as well. Yuck, here I am channeling the realisations of my post-travel self. Again. But allow me to analyse what I've done, what I've said, what I've discovered and what I've observed from my quick trip and of course, immediately after (including the obligatory phone call home after the trip).

1. I still look Thai, even though I'm not in Thailand. Several instances, ie bus drivers asking me if I were Thai, people in the park asking me if I'm from Thailand, or a friend's friend telling me I don't sound Filipino at all, make me believe that I was Thai in my past life. And my never-ending love for Thai food brings home the point. (And of course, saying khawp kun kaa like a true-blue Thai counts too)

2. Kuala Lumpur and now, Sydney, have revived my love for big cities. The detached, super stressed and intensely competitive "vibe" of Singaporeans slowly erode my love for efficient cities. Not anymore. I come to Sydney and see a good, functional city with the rustic, laid-back charm of a small town. Shops close at 5pm, people inside the train stations are not rushing at all, locals are friendly, and it seems like everything is at ease there.

3. No matter how I hated people who pack too much, consequently stalling queues at the airline counter during check-in, I myself have become the subject of such hate. When I bought magazines, and hoarded copies of airline mags, I should've remembered that I was on a budget airline with a 15-kg baggage allowance. Not to mention, I have heavy winter clothes inside my luggage! Yes, there's always the first time. Thank you airline officer for overlooking my luggage excess. Never again, promise.

4. The moment I landed at Changi Airport, I am happy not only because I've come back to Singapore safely, but I'm also inching closer to my trip back home in August. Three more weeks.

5. My mother admitted that she is checking my Facebook photos. Every single one of them. And if I were my college self, I would've panicked at the thought. She asked me earlier about my photo in a restaurant taken six months ago. And yes, these are the times when we could not hide anything from our parents anymore. Aside from that, now that I'm in my mid-20s, the subject of "relationships" is being brought up in every phone call. And I surprise myself that I'm not evading my mother's 5Ws and 1H. Hmmm, someone's growing up.

6. Last night, while walking to the supermarket, I told my roommate of the looming uncertainty of my working pass renewal. Every time I renew my employment pass, it always stresses me out. And maybe this is post-travel me wishing out loud, but I told her that after 3 1/2 years here, maybe I'm ready to come home. She couldn't believe her ears when I've said that. I couldn't believe I've said that either. When my rational self overpowers my subconscious, I will read this blog post, and think about this. And maybe I will surprise myself again and again.

7. I will forever love trains. Monorails, trams, MRTs, you name it.

8. For me to be motivated to do things, I should have something to look forward to. And I don't mean prizes or recognition or major accomplishments. Strange, I know. The "something to look forward to" always translates to "trips home or abroad" or simply, "a change of environment". Blame Alex Garland's "escape through travel works" line. I have a tendency to escape, even just for a while. It makes me think, getting lost in a foreign land or even discovering little things in my hometown is my way of trying to know myself even more. And it works. All the time.

9. I can live without Internet. Wait, I'm typing it on my blog. Let's rephrase that. I can live without my constant 3G connection. I've tried for a week, so yes maybe I really could.

10. I fight my guilt every time I splurge on things like dresses or shoes, but I can spend guilt-free on food, travel magazines, postcards, notebooks, books and any good local find in the supermarket. Priorities.

***

I promise to re-read this months from now, and I bet my future self will cringe on what I'm thinking under the influence of post-travel happiness.

all about the lift

The most awkward part of my day involves me enduring a packed lift down to the Environment Deck. It only happens when I leave the house earlier than 9am, which is rare lately. I live at the 13th floor (yes, we have 13th floors in Singapore, unlike in the Philippines where 13 is considered unlucky), and when the ordinary lift, which services the 1st to the 26th floor, reaches my floor it is usually packed.

I usually encounter two types of people in the lift: the friendly strangers (FS) and the zombies. The FS are typically the moms with kids, and Filipino domestic helpers; while the zombies are the always iPhone-flaunting, plugged-in yuppies and/or parents off to work, who, by the way, always rush out of the lift as if they're going to miss the next train. The most FS family I've encountered are my 13th floor neighbours (everyone says bye-bye to me every time we see each other, and the little girl calls me jie jie), while the most annoying zombies are the ones who need to get out at the first floor and who enthusiastically press the "close" door button the moment I took my first step out of the lift at the third floor. I have to admit I'm half-zombie, half-FS, talking to people only when they talk to me, and rushing to work only when I have to (I've got to thank our HR for my flexible schedule).

Earlier today, I was at the lift with a mom and her kid, and the little boy was staring at me intently. I smiled at him, but he just stared at me and never smiled back. When they got out of the 12th floor, he turned to me, waved his hand and said "bye". Such a sweet kid! And to think it was the first time I saw him! I shall remember to wave him goodbye next time.

Homesick

Maybe it's combined with post-magazine closing exhaustion that makes it a bit unbearable. Maybe it's post-travel depression, not my fault that KL food is seriously good. Maybe it's me programmed to come home in June and/or July as per tradition. Maybe it's me, here. And you, across the South China Sea and a three-hour flight away, there. And who am I kidding that this will go away soon?

Domestic duties

I decided to renew my relationship with the kitchen this year. Blame it on the sudden disappearance of our TV (my landlord got it perhaps), which leaves me with no choice but to spend my weekends experimenting on Filipino dishes as an attempt to stay away from my computer. Add that to the fact that I have to go to the supermarket and buy ingredients other than ready-to-microwave pasta sauces and fresh milk.

So far, my afritada has been a hit to my two roommies (also known as "judges" to my culinary skills or lack thereof). They've already known how I could get away with pasta recipes. My pasta is always al dente: never soggy, never overcooked, just nice. But I couldn't just prepare tomato-based dishes on the weekends I'm supposed to cook for them. Hence, a culinary "learning phase" is in order.

Thanks to Panlasang Pinoy YouTube videos I was able to grasp the intricacies of Filipino cuisine. Back in grade school, we were taught that menudo should have cubed meat, and afritada should have onions and garlic julienned. But Panlasang Pinoy simplifies Filipino cooking! I love it. Forget about shapes, all that matters are "serving portions", and simply "garlic and onions" (not the complicated "crushed", "minced" or "julienned" garlic!) I'm a newbie at anything that involves sauteing and other cooking steps aside from frying, thus a website that would help me learn the ropes of cooking would be highly appreciated.

But no one warned me about supermarkets and the logic behind the arrangement of produce there. I was looking for string beans one night at NTUC so I came to the sections where all the greens are. I scoured the whole area but no trace of string beans. A staff passed by; I asked her and she directed me to the place where French beans are. I asked her again, and she realised that I was looking for their so-called long beans. She then pointed me to the directions where the green, yellow and red bell peppers are. "There?" I asked, confusion evident in my voice. She said "Yes", with conviction. I reluctantly walked to the area, and yes, the string beans are there! Whoever thought of placing long beans next to bell peppers has learned something in taxonomy that I could not grasp.

Beyond supermarket confusion, learning how to cook makes me rethink my music playlist. Every time I'm in the kitchen, the music in my iPod is in complete harmony with the splattering of butter in the frying pan or the rhythmic sequence of my knife. Or wait, probably not. A few weeks back, I have Adele playing on my phone, specifically Someone Like You, while I was slicing onions --- and as a newbie, I could not control my tears back then! Good thing no one saw my tears in sync with the sad song. But seriously, whatever kind of juice onions extract make newbie cooks (like me) weep like hell. But those were the days. Now, I don't play Adele anymore, 21 is just too sad an album. Now, the ultimate LSS, Call Me Maybe, is playing while I slice onions with no single tear shed! Huh. I've learnt a trick: every slice or two, you have to douse your knife with water or better, turn on the tap and place it under running water for about 15 seconds. Yup, to get rid of the juice. And no more tears from slicing onions. Awesome, right?

Now, I've got some adobo to prepare. This newbie cook's on a roll.

DSLR Tales: Nasi Goreng and the Stranger

A long-overdue thank you to the stranger in Bandung:

Dear Stranger in Orange, 

I want to thank you for saving me from a disastrous first attempt at food photography. I was about to check out of the guesthouse then, debating whether to spend my last three hours in Jalan Progo photographing the cosy cafe downstairs or analysing what went wrong with my photos the day before. I chose the latter. I ordered nasi goreng, brought the DSLR out and tried my best to capture the delicious Indonesian food before me. Without luck. My photos could not capture the brown fried rice and the chicken satay looked like it was drowning in gravy in my photo. I finished my cafe late and still couldn't figure out what's wrong. 

You and your friend just checked in that morning, and your friend thought I was Indonesian (no surprises there). She talked to me in Bahasa, and I gave the most puzzled look I have and told her that I'm not from Indonesia. She asked me how long have I been a photographer, and I told her that it was my first time. She offered help - your expertise apparently. I passed her my camera, which she then passed to you, and she left the two of us to discuss how to take good photos. In the limited English you knew, you told me about the aperture, the shutter speed, and some other DSLR jargon I couldn't remember. You adjusted my DSLR's settings. And when your friend told you that it was time to go, you instructed me to get my phone and took a photo of the setting you've used.


I said my sincerest thanks; you smiled, you said goodbye and wished me luck. 

And after our encounter, I remember my Film 110 professor's word: "You have to believe in the goodness of people." Indeed. 



***


As of this writing, my food story was out. I managed to take a good photo that escaped the tools of Photoshop. Thank you Mr Stranger, I hope I could master photography, and I will make sure to pay it forward.

 

Being busy, the symptoms

You know everyone in the office is busy when...

• An editor has an unread message count of 1,600 emails. I hope I'm joking
• Someone bought new copies of magazines two weeks ago and they are still inside the paper bag from the store, with the cling wrap still on. Who has the time for some light reading?
• Usual lunch buddies decide to eat chicken rice while answering emails 
• You go for lunch and eat Japanese food, have a nice capuccino, buy snacks for tea time. Do anything that could let you savour every minute of being away from your Mac 
•  Everyone is passing you layouts, and your deadline is always "tomorrow". Or worse, "later"
• There is a shortage of shortbread and chips in the pantry - stress eating is always our salvation
• The phone keeps ringing. Yes, PR people chasing for RSVPs for press events 
• You keep on forgetting to send physical copies of magazines to previous contributors 
• Your editorial director is going back and forth to different desks to remind all of you of things
• Your client service manager is cc-ing you in everything. Even the thank you emails 
• You miss your monthly biking session. How could you. Even your exercise bike session. Nooo 

And you realise you have two trips in the coming months, accommodation? Nil. And you haven't even applied for annual leave.

Why not planning your travels is best

Don't get lured by seat sales. Avoid them all together. But then change your mind a month after. Be guilty that your travel visa is expiring soon and you won't pay S$150 anew to get another one, which, at most, could only last for a year.

If it seems the travel gods are not on your side, just book seats. Book regardless of the price. Book your tickets after you and your girlfriends get tired of just planning. Be guilty that there's your brokenhearted friend who wanted to escape the world (after you've mentioned that "Escape through travel works" line from The Beach) and you have to help her escape from the shackles of her broken heart. Your visa is expiring soon, so might as well use it again, right?

But be at peace with your choices. Yes, your travel plans tangled with your budget. You have promises to fulfill, places to see, the world to discover. Charge it to experience. Just go out there to see the world, you might surprise yourself. As always.

Back to business

Deadlines looming, body still longing for a proper weekend and still catching up on 100+ emails for work, here I am on a Monday night trying to tie the ends of an article I have started writing on the plane yesterday night. The problem with being a writer is that old-school friend called mental block, and try as I might to shoo it away, it comes back, again and again. My self-imposed deadline for this piece is tomorrow morning, so I could move on to another article due on Thursday, so eventually I could do the four-page article about Indonesia due next issue. I would just rely on the power of my super sweet brownies from Bandung (sugar rush, come to me), OC-ness to produce a decent article, and my writing groove always (without fail!) starting at midnight. I guess my Cinderella Sleeper mode has become Midnight Writing Stint at Duxton Hill. Or maybe my body is still confused? Maybe it still thinks I'm still an hour behind Singapore, which explains the late sleep and 60-minute-late food cravings.

My typing fingers are not as quick as my deadlines.

Keep calm, carry on, kaya yan

Spent Saturday reading Travel+Leisure and epicure back issues while enjoying Raspberry, Cranberry, Strawberry Tea (which seriously tastes like warm grape juice) with Eng Bee Tin Ube-Pastillas hopia, so here I am overwhelmed by all the research, planning and emails I have to do before my solo travel writing trip to Java (this time, it's officially for work). Tomorrow will be for my monthly biking at East Coast so I would probably be too tired by the time I get home. Monday is for DSLR crash course. Tuesday would be for packing. So in the words of a friend, the best thing to do is: just go there, walk into the shops/restaurants, ask for an interview and take photos.

Spontaneity is fine for travels, but maybe not for travel writing? We'll see.

I hope it's as simple as it sounds. Fingers crossed my quintessential Southeast Asian look help me this time.

Bday, VDay and the beauty in small things

I need to remember. Remember some beautiful things last week that reminded me I will be okay. Quoting Joshua Radin, for the first time in such a long, long time, I know I'll be okay.

The easy feeling of being with Chinese friends (who speak a few words of English) in a two-day trip to Indonesia. That even though there are awkward moments when they could not understand my English, and there are times that they could not translate what they want to say into coherent sentences, somehow we managed to understand each other.

The strange feeling of eating charcoal barbeque in a Chinese restaurant I could not even pronounce the name of. That even though I welcomed my 25th year in the company of the Chinese friends mentioned above, and at times I vaguely understand their Mandarin, I know -- through their zhu ni sheng ri kuai le greetings -- that they wish me the best (expressed through passing mutton satay and fried banana sticks onto my plate). Language is important, but true concerns matter more.

That strange feeling of reaching 25, and not being afraid. That reaching my mid-20s is not an excuse to not do things, but the more reason to do things. Eww, there goes my pseudo philosophical analysis. Or not. All I'm trying to say is that on 13 February 2012, there's a sweeping sense of calm and assurance in me, that yes I'm 25 and I know I'm probably close to really being an 'adult'. That the big responsibility this entails do not scare me now. It's exciting to be old enough to know what I want, and go for those things. Regardless of how heartbreaking or how difficult dreams could be.

The overwhelming feeling of knowing that someone out there, aside from my family, really cares for me more than I had imagined possible. That grateful and overwhelming feeling of receiving flowers on Valentine's Day and being scared yet happy, of being excited of what's next, of simply knowing that someone out there is wearing his heart on his sleeve, for me. And that beyond the kilig comes the concern and care, and all the beautiful possibilities. That overwhelming realisation that he's always been there all this time, and I don't know what took me so long to notice, or rather, why in the world was I paying attention to the wrong one all this time. But that from here on, I know what to do.

That nostalgia of knowing that probably months ago, all these things above are not even possible. Maybe because of immaturity, of being insensitive and dense, or just preoccupied with the wrong things.

I'm 25, and this is the time to get dreams fulfilled.

Career talks

Just the fourth day of the Dragon Year and strangely, I've never encountered anyone who talks about shallow things such as fashion trends, lucky colours and what's-new-with-you-this-year-questions. Very good. Since Monday, all I talk about with friends are things that matter: career, continuing education, yeah a shift in priorities. I'm getting mature after all. We are all getting mature.

Between munching on oranges (the free ones given away with the ang paos), my roommie, Carmela, and I are in a serious discussion about taking up some master's degrees overseas. And I know that when we plan things like this, it's going to materialise in months. Just like what happened when we said we wanted to travel to Australia and Thailand last year! Talk about focus. But this time, there are lots of saving up to do, several sacrifices (less travel this year) and some tests.

Between aiming for strikes and spares, Alan and I also discussed some seminars and workshops last Tuesday. "Why not do that in Singapore?" he asked after we cheered on Cathy in her mission for three consecutive bowling strikes. "I need to do it somewhere else," I said.

Somewhere else. Ah, the weight of these words. I love Singapore to bits, it's just that I need to do some things, somewhere.

Ambition 2012

I realised that for me to be able to make some things possible, I need to write them down and constantly remind myself to do all of them.

So after the awesomeness of 2011, let's get more ambitious this year!

12 goals for 2012

1. Travel more and far! Go to one Asian country (beyond SEA), one Philippine destination (not counting Manila and Southern Luzon) and one country outside Asia. Come back to Chiang Mai to see the sky lanterns, you've postponed this trip for sooo many years and it should be about time to fulfill it. The world is big, go see what's beyond the border.

2. Be braver at work. Face your problems, be vigilant, be patient, know when to say yes and no. Own up to your mistakes, or better, avoid mistakes all together. Write full features. Don't settle for one-pagers. Go out there, observe and write about what you've seen. Go for enrichment courses, learn what you can.

3 Come home mid-year and spend Christmas at home. I know you want to see the world, but take time to visit your hometown and your family. It's always worth it.

4. Take up swimming lessons. No excuses. Do it.

5. Make your birthday memorable. Purchase your return tickets to some place and buy a Polaroid camera. If you're going to make memories, better snap and print on the spot. You can easily forget them when they're hidden in your hard drives and stored somewhere.

6. Eat healthy. Lessen soda intake and drink more juices. Sweets are fine, just don't overindulge. Be active, cycle at the parks more often. Sleep for 7-8 hours daily.

7. Fall in love. Don't settle for someone lesser than expectations, but don't set too high a standard. Be considerate, be appreciative and don't assume.

8. Improve your Mandarin. You've already overcome the initial difficulty of tones and pronunciation, now it's time to take it a notch higher: learn how to write.

9. Volunteer. Do something meaningful.

10. Say hello to the kitchen more than you've done in the past. Brush up on your cooking skills. Should be beyond pasta recipes!

11. Call home often, keep in touch with friends, send random emails of hellos. Constantly meet up with friends in Singapore.

12. Save, save, save. Don't neglect the opportunity to prepare for the future!



It's time to be braver, wiser and better. Cheers to another great year and to dear friends and family, let's make these things happen together :D

I asked for 11 things, I got so much more

Now's the time to be thankful. I wasn't able to post a status report on 31 December 2011 as promised, but I haven't forgotten. I listed down 11 things I had hoped will come true, be achieved and find their way to me this year here, and as we welcome 2012, I'd like to look back at 2011 and say thanks, smile and appreciate all the good things that have been showered on me in this awesome year.

1. Travel to three countries in Asia (preferably Indonesia, Thailand and China) and go back to Sagada.

2011 is for wanderlust fulfilled. Passport stamps aplenty! Though I wasn't able to go to China and Sagada (eventually ending the Sagada-every-2-years cycle that started in 2007), I am still thankful for the the places I had never imagined I will reach this year. I went to Bali, Indonesia in March; come back home in June; Western Australia and Melbourne in September; Chiang Mai, Thailand in November and went back home for the holidays in December. Big thanks to the semi-free tickets (I only needed to pay taxes) from our office lucky draw that allowed me to come to Thailand and hop from Davao to Cebu!

Locally, I have done my fair share of being a tourist in Singapura. Went to Jurong Bird Park (free tickets from Ate Hazel!), rode the Singapore Flyer (free tickets from the office!), came back to the Universal Studios (media pass yay! ) and visited St. John's Island.

Due to my travels this year, I had gone below the equator for the first time in my life, gone skiing and sandboarding, fell from a raft on Class 3 rapids, travelled solo, met backpackers, been to Changi Airport many times and just gone out there in the world. The travel gods are really nice to me this year!

2. Stop my corporate detour and find my way back to journalism.
Check! It may not be the hardcore journalism I had studied for, but being in custom publishing is a small step closer to journalism. At least, I'm standing in the midst of the sad brutality of the corporate world and the creative freedom of magazine writing. It may not be the best of both worlds, but I'm thriving career-wise.

3. Celebrate my birthday with a pint of Ben & Jerry's plus a big pack of potato chips without worrying about how unhealthy this combo is.

I deviated from the plan. My birthday started with Skype with dear friends and reading emails from my family and SMSs from friends. Munched fast food for lunch, asked Ate Joy to cook her version of hokkien mee for me and went all the way to East Coast Park with friends and cycled till sundown.

4. Study Mandarin regularly and by the end of the year, I should be able to converse fluently with someone who doesn't speak a word of English.

Sadly, my vocabulary is still limited to a few sentences. During the first part of the year, I'm still dedicated to it. But my dear lao shi got a boyfriend and Tin and I are too shy to ask her to teach us regularly anymore. We don't want to steal her precious time with Tony, so I'll rely on podcasts for now. :)

5. Drink more green tea and less coffee.

I'm a writer, caffeine helps me string words and meet deadlines, so I couldn't ditch coffee. But yes, I drank too much green tea this year and one friend even commented that it may be the reason why I'm thin.

6. Wake up early on weekends and go on food trips in Singapore. Go to Church every Sunday.

Oops, not really. I have tried to become a morning person to no avail. My guilty pleasure is still sleeping in till 10am on weekends so my Saturdays usually meant long brunches at home, cleaning the room and going to the mall in the afternoon to buy groceries. As for the other two goals, yes I have gone to several food trips this year, both in Singapore and overseas. But I still haven't gone back to my regular Sunday mass habit *insert apologetic puppy dog eyes here*

7. Call home often. Send random SMS to old friends, keep in touch with them.

Finally bought a Philippine roaming SIM! And since sometimes I was lazy to reply via email or Facebook chats, I have sent too many global SMSs this year. A SingTel billing officer even encouraged me to avail of their promo, something to the tune of 100 global messages a month for only 3 Sing dollars (which equates to about 72 Sing dollars saved each year!) See, my telco provider is even encouraging me to send more and more messages to friends in the Philippines! Yay!

8. Volunteer. It doesn't matter where and how, just do it.

I've done this only once this year, and I should really really do more of it in 2012.

9. Save, save, save. For my 2012 Big Travel Plan and for my future.

To be honest, my last-minute trips have been tough on my bank account. Not to mention I have moved to a new flat in August and all the expenses related to it messed up my budget. My trip to Australia prevented me from saving wisely, and if I had learned something in 2011, that is to be very very careful in computations (and being nice to myself especially when it comes to budgets). My debit card greatly helped me to be financially responsible, and I'm still veering away from using credit cards to I could feel the crunch every time I purchase something.

My Big Travel Plan was supposed to be the London Olympics 2012, but with airfare to Europe still too expensive for me, I'm adjusting my trips to somewhere geographically closer and financially more feasible. :)

10. Fall in love.
But this is actually beyond my control (Universe, are you listening?)

One of the conversations that stood out this year was the one I had with Ate Hazel and Ate Jing at Jurong Bird Park. Ate Jing told me not to look for "the one" because "he will just come when you least expect him to appear".

Yeah, someone did come along. (Or to be specific, two guys came along, the other one I sort of "dismissed", to use April's word, so we could save our good friendship) Then the first guy left, with promises of keeping in touch and coming back. He's still not in Singapore as of this writing, so I guess this goal's still in my 2012 list :)

11. Celebrate Fiesta, Christmas Eve and New Year's Day at home in Batangas! :D

I wasn't able to celebrate Fiesta in the Philippines, but I'm soo glad I was home for the holidays!


There you go, my thanks would not be enough for the awesomeness of this year. I'm really glad with how the year turned out for me. It started with a new job, new hair and new hopes. 2011 then ended on a high note, albeit some problems at work, but I am grateful for everything it has brought me. Thanks for my family for being so supportive and for dear friends who never fail to cheer me up and keep in touch. I am ready for 2012, and I hope it could rival 2011 for its awesomeness.